he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
