Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
