You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
