Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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