I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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