I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
