i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
