You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
