I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
