im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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