i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
