Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
