i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
