there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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