Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
