4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
