Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The air taste purple.
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