Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
