Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
