just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
