I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
