Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
