Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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