i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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