I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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