And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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