Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
