Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
