Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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