Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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