her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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