Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
