..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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