Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
