i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
