Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
