So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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