wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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