God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
