he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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