I think I just saw someone hide a body.
...so i touched it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
