Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
