Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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