Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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