ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
