Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
