I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm passing your future prison.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
