Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
