he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
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If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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