drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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