sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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