The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're too hungover to prance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
