Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
