Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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