I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
