I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
