I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
