eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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