well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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