I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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