She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
