the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
