Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
