I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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