Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Where is the hickey?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
